Theology for everyone: Marriage
By Zach Chronley
This article is the third in a new series called Theology for Everyone. We believe that theology is inherently practical, so in this series, we will be taking a deep dive into some doctrines of faith and discuss how they apply to our everyday lives.
Genesis 2:24-
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
To both Jesus and Paul, this one little verse carried the secret of the purpose of marriage. For them, marriage was about two wills, two bodies, and two people becoming one. Everything that follows in the Bible about husbands and wives finds its beginnings here in Genesis. It’s a profound mystery, a messy one. For many people, today marriage is a touchy subject. We have failed, or we’ve seen others fail to live up to God’s design for marriage. But understanding God’s design for marriage can reveal some of the possible landmines we may be able to avoid.
From the very beginning, we see that God has divine purposes for humanity. In the first pages of Scripture, we see that as God has been creating, he has looked upon his creation and declared that all that he has made is good until God sees a man alone. From man’s creation, God had a bigger plan for him: marriage.
Christian or not, we can see that marriage benefits are widespread and unmistakable, both for the individual and for the culture-at-large. There are health, financial, and societal benefits for married couples. (a) We are creatures built for a close-knit covenant community. Marriage is good because God said that it was so.
The beauty of God is that he can bless beyond what is natural. For the single Christian, God is able to do something beyond our nature. Like fishes and loaves in the hands of the Messiah, God can do more than what we can possibly think or even ask within in the life of the single Christian, and the examples of this are powerful. Throughout history, God has used many single individuals to further the gospel and bless the church in profound ways.
Two become one
Matthew 19:3-6
“And Pharisees came up to him (Jesus) and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
When two Christians get married, they become something neither had ever nor could ever be before; they become one. Not singular, but marriage is built on the theology that male and female alone is not ideal. This is what Paul meant when he called singleness a gift from God. To be single and content is an incredible gift of God mean for spreading the gospel. Discipleship is spiritual parenthood, and none have more capacity for discipleship than those specially gifted to do so. Not everyone has that gift; however, just as not everyone who is married always lives up to the advantage of marriage.
This is where marriages can go wrong. Many problems in marriage arrive before the wedding day. The two want to stay two. The Bible warns against a double-minded person (Jas 1:8), but this is also true for a married couple. When two people want different outcomes, as Jesus himself put it, a house divided will fall (Mark 3:25). Now obviously, this does not mean that two spouses need to agree on everything. That is just is not possible, but it does mean that they need to decide what is of utmost importance.
They agree that their marriage aims to make God’s name glorified and raise children if they can have them that will know and follow Jesus. They decide to love one another sacrificially. This can only happen when two people put God’s will above their own.
Paul warned this when he says that believers should not be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14). Two followers of Christ should be unified towards the purpose of making God’s name great and making disciples here on earth. But practically, that can take several different meanings. Not every Christian marriage looks the same, just as not all saints look the same, but they all follow the same God.
Just as only Christ-followers can truly image Christ, Christian marriages fully display Christ and the church. CS Lewis said that Christian marriage should be so radically different from the rest of the world’s marriages we should almost have them as two separate categories. For the believing couple, God has given us the weight of responsibility of displaying his love for his own not just as individuals, but as a unit, as one flesh.
Marriage as Metaphor
Ephesians 5:31-32
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Marriage is a pointer to the profound mystery. It’s the image of God and his love for the church. It is our training ground for loving the world as he does. And so, we respond that we distinctly love our spouses, just as God loves the church distinctly.
Why should marriage bear this image and responsibility? Because people were never meant to be alone, before Eve was even created, God designed man to first be in a relationship with himself. We see this even in the original language of Scripture. The word for helper used in Genesis to refer to Eve is more often used to refer to God when used in the Old Testament. The first helper for Adam was God.
Humanity was first commissioned as image-bearers of God in Genesis and now also imaging Christ as his ambassadors. Now Christians marry as an image of Christ and the church. Just as God exists as a union of Father, Son, and Spirit, mankind, as defined by God, is both male and female; it takes both as a union to image God fully. And now we see a complete image of Christ and the church not just in a Christian, but in marriage.
The purpose of marriage
We love one another within the bounds of marriage because it trains us to love the world. Many marriages begin with a reading of 1 Corinthians 13. And while this is fitting, these verses aren’t primarily about marriage. They are about love and, therefore, the nature and character of God. God is not just loving. He is love (1 John 4:16).
You may have heard that you can substitute “God” for “love” in 1 Corinthians 13. God is patient; God is kind, he does not envy, and is not proud. If we then are meant to image God in this same way, then we should all more and more desire to say, and for others to say, that we embody these same attributes. The natural overflow of marriage is bearing children, and as Christians, we are called to raise our children to become disciples of Christ.
Marriage is a training ground in how we love the world and make disciples. God loves the church, but he loves more than just the church. God causes the rain to fall on the just and unjust. God’s common grace is for all humanity, and therefore we are called to love all of mankind. If you can’t love your wife, you don’t love others. If you can’t love your brother, you aren’t loving God. If you can’t love your children, you don’t love the church.
Why do we get married? Love. Why stay married? The answer is still love. If you find it difficult to love your spouse, God can use it to grow your capacity to love. Because marriage is a picture of God’s covenant with us, God is faithful even when we are faithless. If you want to leave, God is teaching you how to stay. Even if all of this feels impossible, we can go to the one who makes all things possible. We are all called to spend our lives loving God and loving others. We love because he first loved us.
(a) Waite, L. J., & Lehrer, E. L. (2003). The Benefits from Marriage and Religion in the United States: A Comparative Analysis. Population and development review, 29(2), 255–276. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1728-4457.2003.00255.x